What can you do if a guest/house-guest overstays their welcome?
Because that´s what happened yesterday to me and I simply have no idea how I should or could have handled the situation!
I haven´t seen this particular friend in about three months but that´s actually no big deal with us, everyone has a busy life and things always come between.
We first went shopping because you can do this better in the area where I live than in hers. After that she came to my place where we had some cake I especially baked and coffee. And a chat.
Though it wasn´t just a chat. It was a marathon!
She stayed over 8(!) hours – I had to prepare dinner at one point because it was already quite late but I wasn´t really prepared for it and just rustled something up for the two of us, having spent the day before with house cleaning instead of shopping for groceries because of said visit – and I kind of was at the verge of tears, repeating in my head the question “When will she go?” over and over, all the while smiling and nodding my head off to everything she said because that´s what I´d been taught.
It´s not that I don´t like her, I really do, but I had expected her to go after, say 2 or 3 hours, 4 at the tops because we already had spent three hours of shopping together and quite frankly I was shattered.
Not so much because of the shopping although that wasn’t very enjoyable as well because our taste in clothing differ so much, there isn’t even a word for it and I won´t go shopping with her again.
No, what really broke me was the constant and incessant talking. She talked non-stop, and I really mean it – She. Simply. Didn´t. Stop. Talking.
I wouldn’t mind that as long as I would be allowed a few sentences here and there myself, but that was clearly not happening.
The only things I was allowed to utter were offers of more tea.
When she finally left – having thanked me for that delightful stay! – I was a complete wreck! I felt like I had run a marathon!
Or like I had worked for three days in a row without having slept a wink in-between.
Or like I had been run over by a truck.
My whole body was aching with cramps and the first thing I did was pouring me a big whisky and drinking it in just a few gulps.
I´ve never experienced anything quite like this before. I mean, I had friends over and sometimes we really talked for hours, but that´s the thing I believe – because then with those other friends WE talked, and it wasn’t just one person holding endless monologues while the other starts bleeding out of her ears.
I mean, I really love Shakespeare (and I don´t just say that but actually mean it), but even I wouldn’t want to watch the whole rendition of Hamlet twice in one evening. (Which would also take 8 hours if not considerably shortened.)
So what can I do to not let that happen again? Because just the thought of it makes me shiver with fright!
Please feel free to share any ideas, stories, anecdotes or jokes (I really could use those!) you have considering this subject in the comment section!
Art Expedition 
I hate to admit this but you have to tell a “ Creative fib” ——an appointment that you made and forgot about but need to leave in 30 minutes!
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Hehe! Thank you! Isn’t it weird how we sometimes need to tell a lie although we’ve all been brought up not to? But some people just don’t handle truth too well and in order not to hurt their feelings too much it seems justified at times.
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Thank you, Y – that does put a different twist to the situation. It’s nice to know that I might have changed a life there, I never thought of it like that.
Have a lovely and creative day! peace 😊
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Hi – I wish I could read all of the comments with this post (but not enough time as i am logging off soon but had to check in over here at the expedition site…)
and your story really is a good learning adventure.
I would suggest that you draw boundaries ahead of time when she comes over. Then stick to a set window of time for the visit.
If she arrives unannounced – and you can invite her in – just start off with matter of fact – “I have plans later and so I am glad you can visit today – but you must leave by such and such or I will have issues with my later plans” and it is not a lie because your plans later are for time without her.
When we first started to draw boundaries on Friday nights (90s) because we were younger and folks liked to socialize – well we did not realize that staying home and doing noth counted as plans. Some folks are just more into frequent get toegtehrs – or have seasons of it – and so drawing boundaries as matter-of-fact like helped us so much.
—
your story reminded me of a needy friend I had in 1992. P would come over every day – I was roomates with my sis at the time and on the fourth day we were like “she is stopping over again?”
this went on for about a month (less) and then waned. And you know S, we missed her when she left. I guess we got used to her – we adjusted – and well – she also only stayed a little while each time. But in hindsight I see the gift that it was.
—
and I know you never want to do the 8 hours again, but when I heard it I thought “what a gift” –
too often in life we do not make enough time for friendship and for mere talking. I was actually thinking good for you –
and even though a drain – I wonder if some deeper bonding happened that is priceless – well of course it did – but to have it happen all the time would be over the top.
–
But it is a rare gift to be able to talk with someone so freely for that amount of my time – and maybe the years are catching up with me – but I’d say embrace the beauty while also put some future boundaries in place.
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and one last thing – don’t forget that you graciously invested in a human being – and thatis no small matter. Sometimes people get so bicthy and demanding – they rave about how they learned to say NO and they limit this and that.
And then sometimes very beautiful people do not say no – and they ened up giving and serving – and who knows how they helped me deep needs for someone else. Sometimes we never see the full impact of our giving – but it is the highest form of living – and bless you for winging it like you did – I bet you changed a life there.
even if you had to repair a bit…
peace
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Hi Y,
don’t worry about not reading all the comments in this post, it were quite a lot. 😉
That’s really a good tip to count staying home and doing nothing as a plan. I admit I never realized this would be possible.
I know that time is actually one of the best gifts we can make and I had lots of really nice get togethers with other friends that were just as long as this one. The main difference there was that it was a real conversation and not just an ear-bleeding monologue. I think that’s what drove me nuts with this one the most. I had to sit there for eight hours without getting the chance to talk myself.
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Oh that is rough – wow- and you get a good star for friendship – but now can draw boundaries if possible
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Oh my. That sounds so draining, Sarah. Definitely worth gulping a whiskey! Usually, people are good at reading cues and know when it’s time to leave. She either lacks that ability or really needed a friend. Fortunately, that situation is rare for you. Now that you know what to expect, you should be able to curtail the visits. Meet for lunch somewhere and have a place where you need be afterward. And if someone traps you again at home, have somewhere you need to be later. Sometimes fibbing can save your sanity and save a relationship. 🙂
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Thank you, Diana! I guess with her it might be that she actually can’t tell when it’s time to leave as I’ve now heard others complaining about the same thing. But now I know how to handle it next time and if that fails I better prepare and buy more whiskey. 😉
It’s really strange how someone you actually like can be just too much to bear after a certain amount of time.
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I’m glad you still like her. I think she needs a friend and if you can manage the time together so it works for both of you… that’s sweet. 😀
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Good grief, poor you! I am sure we all know someone like that, I do! I used to work with a guy (although I wouldn’t class him as a friend) who was incessantly talking at you, not with you and it is just so annoying/tiring/uninteresting etc etc.. he no longer works at the same place, but I bumped into him 2 days ago as I was going home, and apart from the initial How are you? from him, he rattled on and on about what he had been doing with (I’m sure) a few tall stories included.Luckily, we were on the bus, so it didn’t last as long as your nightmare, and to be honest I had stopped listening after the first 2 minutes just replies of “yeah” and “uha” But it’s really a bug bear of mine! a conversation is a 2 way thing.. Another things that really grates me, is when you are talking to someone, they don’t appear to be listening when your talking, maybe they’ll be looking at something else rather than concentrating on what you’re saying… GRRR! It’s really rude.. OOH that was a bit of rant LOL…. I tend to just be polite and try to make my escape as soon as I can, but I wouldn’t invite someone like that to mine, meet in public next time and then you can easily make your excuse to leave or if you have already met out like when you went shopping, just tell her you have other plans and have got to get going with the promise to catch up another day (or Year! ) 😉
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Hi Gill, thank you for your lovely comment, I had to laugh so much imagining how you felt lucky getting out of that bus after you met that guy! 😀 Isn´t it just awful that some people just monopolize a conversation and don´t at all care what you might think and would like to say if only there would be a possibility to get the words out? 😉 Ah well, at least it´s some sort of relief to know that most people seem to know these kind of people too, so I don´t have to wonder any longer if it was just me being oversensitive! 😀
Hope you won´t meet that guy so soon again! 😉
Have a lovely day! xx
P.S. I keep leaving comments on your blog but it seems they never make it through… 😦 Maybe you could check your Spam folder?? 🙂
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I hope not! LOL but he lives at the same condo building but havent seen him around for ages…. oH thank you for the heads up, someone else has been saying about the comments, will check it out Have a fab weekend my friend xxx
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You too! 😄 xxx
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Aaagh! What a horrible, horrible situation. Just as well you had some (medicinal) whiskey on hand. I can only agree with what others are saying; meet in public and always have an escape plan. But it’s really sad that you have to think of these things (and that so many of us empathise and have had similar experiences).
I’ve virtually stopped contact with a very old friend (our boys have been friends since preschool, and she used to be my neighbour) because I found myself getting angry at how I felt devalued by her behavior. She is always (I’m not exaggerating) at least 30 minutes late for anything. She then spends about an hour explaining why she is late (in such detail I lose the will to live). She monopolizes conversation and is ALWAYS the last person to go home, usually well after midnight — even when it was a lunch-date. Maybe she is your friend’s secret twin? I’ve found myself standing, freezing outside a bar because I foolishly left at the same time as her and got caught up in one of her interminable explanations of something.
She can be a very kind and lovely person, and we were really, really good friends, but I decided in the end that if she didn’t even recognize that my time has value, then she probably didn’t value my friendship much either.
On a lighter note; the Big T’s parents had neighbours who sort of invited themselves around at all sorts of strange times, and had no idea when to leave (like turning up on Christmas Day, when dinner is just about to be served). T’s family had, over the years, developed a brutal (but effective) strategy. One by one, they would sort of drift away from the living room, turning lights off. Finally the house would be more or less in darkness and the neighbours would finally go home. The downside on the occasion I was there is that we ate Christmas dinner in the early hours of Boxing Day.
xxxxxxx 🙂
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It really was a horrible situation, Su, I´ve never experienced anything like it before. I mean, I really screamed in my head! How weird is that? I just wanted her to go but didn´t know how to do it and she just kept talking and talking… it really is some sort of torture I believe, like dripping water on one point on your forehead for about an hour – never tried it but heard the pain is excrutiating.
And I truly believe your former friend is indeed my friend´s twin, if not in blood than at least in spirit! Talking of which – I was so glad I found that bottle of whiskey! 😉
And the weird thing is, like you said, she actually is a very kind and lovely person. But if she doesn´t even care to pretend to listen to what I have to say then she can´t really care about me, can she? I keep repeating her reactions whenever I could throw in something from me and how she kind of brushed it aside as if it were nothing and instantly brought the subject back to herself. I know that she has feelings and feels lonely sometimes, but at the same time she is unable to feel what goes on in the person in front of her. I´ve been thinking that it might be some sort of Asperger syndrome? Not a severe one but efficient enough to not let her feel for others.
Ah well, maybe it´s better to stop thinking about it and just enjoy that it will be some time until I have to meet with her again. 😉
As to those neighbours pestering the Big T´s parents – wow! On Christmans Day?! That´s extreme! And the manner in which his family handled them is really the only thing that could work. I´ve seen a little cartoon lately where the hosts are lifting the sofa on one end so their guests toppled to the ground – I could totally relate! 😉 Or another one where the host asks if he can get them anything: a coffee, a biskuit – or a lift home?? 😀
Wish you a beautiful day with no one trying to steal away your time! 😉 xxxxxxxx
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It’s really interesting how many people have similar experiences of this — the fact that it can be joked about in cartoons shows that people understand the problem.
I wonder if perhaps you’re right about your friend having Aspergers? Her behaviour was pretty extreme and insensitive. Or perhaps she is just really narcissistic?
Hope you don’t have any more experiences like that again. xxxxxxxx
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I don´t think she´s narcissistic, so maybe it really is some form of Asperger´s. I guess when it´s more or less mild it seldomly gets detected by parents or doctors.
xxxxxxx
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I think you’re probably right — there could be so many people undiagnosed when it’s borderline.
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Oh my…really sounds like a day. I would always agree to meet somewhere and never invite her to your home. That sounds excruciating.
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It was excrutciating, Lisa, and I don´t really fancy repeating the experience. Next time definitely a café or something. 😉
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Oh, Sarah, I’m so sorry you had to go through this, but I couldn’t help but laugh at the whiskey! 🙂 My daughter also happens to have a “friend” who manages to talk only about herself and her life whenever they’re together. I guess there are some people who are so self-absorbed that they either don’t realize it or they simply don’t care. The world revolves around them, simply put.
So, I think if you see her again, a public place, as others have suggested, sounds like the best plan. And have your own car, so drive separately! I hope by now you’ve had a chance to relax and unwind. Enjoy your weekend, too, my friend…Hugs❤🌼😍
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Thank you, Lauren, and I´m so glad you had to laugh at the whiskey! 😀 I normally drink very little alcohol, but this was one of those occasions where it had to be taken as some sort of medicine. LOL! 😀
And I´m so sorry that your daughter also has to suffer from such a “friend” – I really think they don´t actually deserve that word. Maybe we should arrange for those “friends” to meet while you, your daughter and I have good time together. 😉
And I´m feeling much better now and ready to let the creativity flow again!
Have a fabulous weekend, dear friend! Hugs! xoxo ❤
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I recall a very old ‘Goon Show’ joke… “Standby to repel Boarders.” “‘Ow do you repel boarders?” “Stop changing the bed-linen!”
I think we can all occasionally find ourselves in motor-mouth mode. The thing is we don’t realise when we do it and I suspect your friend wasn’t aware of how over-bearing she was being. Perhaps next time, if there is a next time, arrange it as a music evening where you each take turns to play something – that would break up the monolog. Or perhaps agree to watch a film together? Another idea would be an outdoor meeting with a visit to a park to enjoy the flowers – difficult to hold a one-sided conversation then!
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Thanks for all the good tips on how to handle a similar situation in the future (I like stop changing the bedlinen the best 😉 ).
And I really think she wasn´t aware of what she´s doing – but if I were to tell her she would take it as an insult and sulk which is something I can´t stand too! Lol! 😀
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I feel for you, Sarah! I have very low tolerance for over-stayers. Then again, I think it is because I am rather antisocial in this respect.
I am fortunate in the respect that my husband is quite a social butterfly, and when we have folks over and I’ve had enough, I will excuse myself and he will sit with them. In situations when he is not around, I have found myself caught in the same situation as you. Not pleasant at all. And I’ve just learned not to repeat the invitation to those people. Not much help, I know, but I do hear you and feel your anguish!
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Thank you very much for your lovely comment, Ju-Lyn, and you did help me a lot with it! Just to know that I´m not alone in feeling the way I did reassures me that I´m not crazy! 😀
You are very lucky that your husband doesn´t mind taking care of overstaying guests so that you can excuse yourself and retreat.
And I don´t think that it is antisocial, more that people like us maybe lack certain filters that might help getting overwhelmed after a certain amount of time. Because if that meeting had only lasted, say 4 hours, I would have been fine I think. The one who is actually antisocial in my mind is the person that overly monopolizes all conversation and steals away your time!!
Wish you a beautiful Sunday and a wonderful new week! ❤
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It is conversations like this that make me so grateful for our friendship and the community we have on WP.
It is so important that we feel a kindred spirit and understanding – makes life that much easier to navigate and bear!
Thank you, Sarah.
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I can only agree wholeheartedly, my friend! 😄
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Hope you are well rested now… You never know your hospitality has done her wonders, Sarah! And who could resist your cakes? 😉 You deserve a lovely weekend… quiet and peaceful, right? 😃 Enjoy your creativity! 🎨 🎶 🌹 ☀️
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Haha! Yes, maybe my cake is to blame for what happened. 😀 😉
I´m well rested again, Iris, and feel like being creative again which is a huge relief.
Wish you a beautiful Sunday and a fabulous new week! Much love! xoxo ❤
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Ah well, you said it, Sarah! 😃 😉 Am just relaxing 😉 yes, we do need that important leisure time! You too have a great week ahead… hugs 💕 ☀️ 🐨
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Enjoy, Iris! Yes, that leisure time really is so important – and if one enjoys wasting time, is it really time wasted? 😉 I don´t think it is. 🙂 Hugs! xoxo
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Poor you. What a nightmare… So glad I don’t have a friend like that. If I had I wouldn’t consider her or him a real friend anyway. You are way to nice, Sarah. Too bad your “friend” does not read your blog! She probably would be mad but at least she would know the affect she has on people. Everyone already gave you good tips and you already know what to do if there is a next time with this person. So now, go for a walk, paint, have a massage… Do things that you like, have your batteries recharged. Would love to have a piece of your cake and chat with you. Promise, one hour of your time max. 😉
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I´m so glad you don´t have a friend like that, Dominique – and you´re right that one shouldn´t call them friends anyway I think. Maybe aquaintance is a better word.
My batteries are recharged by now and I feel ready to be creative again! 😀
As to you visiting me – I know that there wouldn´t be a time limit necessary! When the company is wonderful – and I know yours would be fantastic! – the hours would simply fly by on gilded wings! I think that the one-sidedness of that meeting was what actually worn me out so much. All aspects of friendship involve a certain give-and-take and not just a take – take – take!
Have a beautiful weekend, dear friend! xxx
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I’m so glad to hear that you were able to recharge your batteries. You have to think of yourself now and do the things you like and do so well: create! Can’t wait to see what you will come up with. Have a fabulous week dear friend. xoxo
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You too have a wonderful week, dear friend! Hugs! xoxo ❤
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💗
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There’s interesting neuroscience research that we recently put on our blog that shows that brain waives and heart beats (who knows what else) of people who are in each others presence actually synchronize AND there is an energetic “drain” that happens with those who are empathic. What you felt was real.
So . . . what do you do about it? Many of the comments were good suggestions. BUT If you can’t limit OR ELIMINATE time don’t drink – that will depress your system momentarily but then you’ll have a rebound effect. The best thing, believe it or not, is to take a walk (move) which will begin to restore the neurochemical balance and then a bath (or shower or swim) which will increase negative ions and you’ll feel better.
P.S. I only get together with people like that by meeting at a restaurant, driving my own car. It’s the easiest container I know – public place, limited time and my own get-a-away car!
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Thanks so much for your great comment and for reassuring me that what I felt was real!!!
And you know what? I actually did feel like taking a bath! But I was too tired to wait for the tub to fill, so that´s where the whiskey came in. 😉 But if there´s going to be another time, I will remember this fabulous tip of yours, especially now that I know that my instinct was good.
Who would have guessed that this feeling of being drained is actually something that can be measured?
And I love that you take care to always have a get-away car handy when you have a similar meeting. 😉
Have a wonderful Sunday! 🙂
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That was a difficult situation.. I do not have any idea to offer to get around this.
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Thank you, it really was. And it´s okay that you don´t have any idea, I didn´t either but now I do and maybe you can look them up as well should the need arise. 😉 (Which I don´t hope!)
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Oh no! I totally feel for you. You must have been dying. It’s so hard when you have to put time limits on events. It does sound like if you decide to spend time with her in the future that you do add some time limit. For example, let’s have lunch on Tuesday. My afternoon is free, but I have to meet my boyfriend at his work at 5:00 or something. You need an escape pod! Cheers!
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I was!! And I really will put these time limits on any future events involving her from now on, and if I have to say that I´m needed on board of the next interplanetary shuttle so be it! 😂
And an escape car would really add a nice touch to it – care to do the honors? 😉 Cheers! 🙂
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Wow! Your friend sounds as if she either doesn’t know how to read people well, or has no idea of social norms. Or both! But now that you know that about her, I think you need to set definite parameters for her next visit. If you invite her in your home, state a specific end time. And when that time is reached, stand up and say, “I’m sorry our visit has to end, but I have to….(whatever excuse you thought up before).” And don’t sit back down until she leaves, even if you have to walk to the door and stand there, holding it open!
I think there are two issues here, though. One is she stayed too long, and two is she’s one of those people who doesn’t let anyone else talk. I know people in both categories, and they are bad enough. But your friend combined them. No wonder you felt so worn out when she finally left!!
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Thank you for exactly understanding what went on with this friend, Ann! I think you´re right in assuming that she either can´t read people – or maybe worse: that she can but doesn´t care to do it! – or has no idea of any social norms. And now she keeps sendings me texts, asking when we´ll meet again!! I was utterly shocked and told her that I´m completely booked out for the next two month – lol! And to be honest, even after that time I don´t much fancy another round. 😉 At least not under her conditions. I don´t think I can make her stop being so completely self-centered and not letting other people talk as well, but I hope I will be successful when it comes to limiting our time together. It really is bad enough when people show either of the these two “qualities” but both are frankly quite insufferable!
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They really are! I think you are wise to let quite a few weeks go by before you see her again, and then when you do, a very short visit will do. Take care!
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Some people just don’t understand the moment, so you have to be a bit direct. Tell her you have plans, and that you two can have another day together soon.
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You’re so right about this, Jennie. With some people directness seems to be the only way. I’ll try to convince her that two short meetings would be more convenient for me than one lengthy one.
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Perfect plan!
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Just be open and honoust.
Kind regards,
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That´s good advice, Rob. But I rather fear, she wouldn’t take it that well, as she is rather sensitive and prone to sulking.
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I’ve had two very similar situations. One friendship survived though I would never allow her to stay with me again. The other friendship appears to have dissolved – she moved to a different state and didn’t bother to tell me.
Your friend seems to be very self centered but also desperately lonely. Your experience will make you cautious in future.
T’were me, I wouldn’t make the next move and would beg off a new invite for several months. (Sorry, getting my toenails clipped that day, then must have my elbows buffed.) When friendship makes you crazy, you’ve got nothing to lose by losing it.
But it did make for a funny story.
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Haha! I love the excuses you´ve listed here, Shari, much better than the old “I need to wash my hair” one I use! 😀
And you can bet that it won´t be me making the next move! In fact she already asked me if we couldn’t meet again next week whereupon I said that I´m completely booked for the next two months and after that probably too! 😂
And I think you were really lucky that the other friend of yours silently moved away – such a relief! 😉
But as funny as it all might sound, I rather fear you´re very right in thinking that she is desperately lonely, and if I hadn’t had such a bad time with her, I would feel for her. It´s just that the complete drainage of my energy was so overpowering that I kind of have to put my own sanity first.
Let´s just hope she´ll find someone else who doesn’t mind her ways like I do.
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Oh, my! I have an acquaintance like that. I can’t call her a friend anymore because friendship goes both ways. I call them energy vampires. I finally got to where I had to give her a time frame that she could stay or I would tell her I would meet her somewhere for lunch but my time frame was such and such with other appointments. I can handle and hour maybe slightly more but our visits are further and further apart. As I transition toward the end of my life, I’ve found that I can’t waste time on people who are self absorbed. I’d rather be alone that with that type of person. They will never understand as they only see themselves in the picture. I’m sure you have lots of wonderful friends that do not suck the life out of you. Feel free to let this one go.
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Energy vampires sounds like a good word for it! It´s exactly what these people are. Can you believe that it took me the whole day next day to recuperate from that? That´s really not how it should be. As you say, friendship goes both ways. With her I feel like a psychological waste bin, she dumps all her things on me, feeling lighthearted afterwards and I can see how to cope with it all.
And I can very well understand that you prefer to spent your time by your own than wasting it with that acquaintance of yours. I think we all should.
Thank you for confirming my thoughts and for showing me that there´s a way to handle these kind of people.
Have a beautiful day, Marlene!
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Eight hours! Oh my word! I think I’d meet her at a restaurant or coffee shop. I’m so sorry you had to endure this, Sarah. Well, if she reads your blog, she might not be coming around any longer. 🙂
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I really think she would have stayed equally long in a public place, maybe even nursing a single cup of coffee to maximize the embarrassment! 😂 Unfortunately she doesn’t read my blog, which seems to fit right in with her self-centered personality. 😉
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I sooooo feel your pain. It’s taken me a long, LONG time to learn that with people like this we ALWAYS meet somewhere neutral. Plus I ALWAYS let them know when first making plans that it can only be for a set time, which I reiterate almost immediately on seeing them. I’ve even reached the point of setting an alarm with one such person who insists on keeping in touch. The hilarious/sad part is that this person is so engrossed in themselves they take it as a compliment. They think that I’m having such a good time with them that without the alarm I’d miss my appointment. The fact the only words I’m allowed to say are” hello, I’m well, bye” somehow complete escapes them. Good luck!
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Thanks so much for your lovely comment, Joanne! Oh my! That sounds exactly like my friend! Maybe it´s the same? 😂 😉
The alarm setting sounds like a really good idea – here´s another I already used with great success (the same friend) when we´re on the telephone: If we´re talking on the landline, I make my mobile phone ring after whatever time I feel I can´t stand another second, let her hear this of course and excuse myself but really have to take this call and let´s talk another time. 😉 This usually works really well.
Isn´t it just weird to have friends like that? And are they really friends or are we just too used to hang around with them?
Wish you good luck too and also a beautiful day, Joanne!
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Geez, Louise! Where I’m from we call that wearing out your welcome! You were too nice (I understand because I am the same way) but….her thoughtlessness is inexcusable, and I think it would have been time to come up with a lie and say that you had plans for the evening and had to get ready. I can’t believe anyone would have the audacity to compromise so many hours of another person’s life (maybe she has something going on in her own life and doesn’t want to be alone, but still no excuse). Needless to say, I would decline any other invitations from her in the future!
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Haha! Yeah, maybe I am too nice. 😉 Need to stop baking those cakes maybe too! LOL!
I think you might be right in that she is very lonely although she does have other friends than me. But I imagine if she does the same with them – and there´s no reason she wouldn’t – then my guess is that they also try to avoid having her around too often. She would be more welcome if she just knew when to call it a day, I think. But if I told her that, I know she would feel offended and be in a huff and sulk. I don´t really have the nerve for that either so I think I will do as has been suggested and invent something to get her going next time. 😉
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If I lived close to someone who baked cakes, I might do the same thing, LOL. I’d get busy on having an arsenal of excuses ready at a spare moment, LOL.
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Hehe! Yeah, I really need to learn a nice little repertoire of excuses like “Oh no! I need to wash my hair on Thursday.” LOL! 😀
And I don´t mind baking cakes for the right person. 😉 So please feel free to come over whenever you need a sugar kick! 😀 xoxo
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That is exhausting. Set boundaries for yourself to protect your well-being. I would have scooted her out the door before dinner, and you don’t have to give a reason other than, „Thank you for visiting, but our time is up.“ As I read this I am wondering if she is really a friend? Is she the kind of friend you want? Protect yourself lovely. xx
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Thanks so much for your lovely comment! And I think that’s some very sound advice! I have already wondered if she’s what you would really call a friend and this time it felt like the answer is no.
The funny thing is she just texted me again telling me what a wonderful time she had! I really don’t know what to reply!! 😂
💕
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It’s my pleasure. The great thing is…You can take your time replying. I am sure she feels great after the visit, but what about you lovely? xx
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Exactly! And me being too polite to tell the truth will let silence speak for me instead, I guess. 😉 xx
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Oh good grief – what a nightmare. This lady is clearly not one of your besties because if she was, she would have conversed with you not talked at you like a hammer to the eardrum. I imagine by the end of it you would have traded places with Hamlet’s father in the orchard and begged Claudius to put poison in your ear even though you were awake! There is a technique that I learned many years ago when clients were hogging my time on the phone and that is to use their name so ‘Sarah, that is interesting’, ‘I understand, Sarah’ etc etc and it really does work. However, I have not used it face to face. I think in this particular instance, if you do have to see her again, then the only thing is to put absolute time limits on the meeting. ‘Let’s meet at X time for coffee and cake but I must be finished by X time because I have to (fill in whatever excuse you like’. If it means you must leave your own house at that time, feigning getting ready etc and take a quick bus ride round the block to clear your head then so be it. Other than that then I’m afraid it’s the fine art of avoidance or even knocking her off your list all together which may seem harsh but honestly you must be selfish and look after you and this experience was positively scarring in its intensity. I send you so much love from me and my squirrelly and bird and chipmunk friends – in fact, even the groundhog strolled past and asked me to pass on her best 😉. Go gently today and put it down to experience. One that must never be repeated xxxxxxxxxx
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It most definitely was a nightmare, Fiona! Can you believe that I still felt exhausted the whole day today? I really could have done with a visit to the Spa! 😂
As to Hamlet’s father – he might have been the lucky one in that play after all, taking the shortcut so to say. 😉
And I will definitely use the technique you’ve suggested should there be a next time as she doesn’t take hints very well and seeing me getting ready to leave might actually work.
The funny thing is she just texted me again telling me what a wonderful time she had! I really don’t know what to reply!! 😂
And thanks so much for all the love from you and all our animal friends – wow! even the groundhog! Please send my love back to all of them and don’t forget to keep the biggest part for yourself. 😉😍 xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Consider it done!! Xxxxxxxxx
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Maybe just apologise to her that you have to cut the day/date short, because there are things you need to do to get ready for the next day. That would be true, I imagine.
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It would most definitely be true, Tracy!
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Don’t go back to your house. Or hers. Ever! Yikes! Say you need to stop at So and so on your way home after shopping/lunch whatever. End the day out.
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Thanks for the tip, Amy! Will definitely try this next time. 😄
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